Ever felt shame, guilt, and fear? Reboot your confidence with Hawaiian healing
Living in Japan has certainly made me more observant of all the shaming and blaming people endure here, from school age through to the poor "green hat" thinkers who have had their idea stifled in front of others, usually in a form that involves some sort of scolding. Wherever your are, if you've endured this a number of times, you'll know just how much it hurts your motivation. You'll know just how much it made you afraid of taking any risk with any new idea you will ever have. If you've ever wondered about how to get back your confidence, I often use this Hawaiian healing technique. I will warn you: this is an aspect of leadership and personal development that you might not easily concur with as it involves a spiritual component. As Buddha teaches us, only do what works for you.
Discover...at the Doctor's clinic...
When I lived in Hawaii, I was at a Doctor's clinic waiting to be called when I picked-up an amazing book with an interesting title about "Ho'oponopono" (which was challenging enough to pronounce:) ) . I hesitantly turned the front cover hoping that the book will be written in English...I am forever grateful it was.
I was so intrigued by what I was reading that the first thing I did when I left the clinic that day (despite being diagnosed with a bursar in my knee), was to jump on to google and learn! Turns out that a Dr Hew Len used a healing process that cured a ward of supposedly criminally insane people. Here's the thing: he never saw them in person.
What? Healing without seeing the patient?
Dr Lew would study the people's charts and look within himself to see how he created that person's illness. He basically took responsibility for their illness as something he created and something within himself, and as he worked through his technique on himself, those patients began to heal.
The perfect change to try this process
Since I myself was going through an emotional battle after been unjustly "blasted" in front of C-level executives a week earlier, I found intrigue and comfort in this type of reading to cure my own feelings of shame and guilt. After some hesitation, I decided to trust in the process as I am told you can heal yourself and heal others. In my case, I worked on myself. I was feeling a suppressed anger that I was so unjustly humiliated to the point where I knew I was set-up, and couldn't bring my anger out to express it. This was the perfect chance to try this technique! This is how I healed myself:
Step 1: Make the emotion your responsibility so you can apologize to...who...
First, I took responsibility. Why wonder when the other person is ever going to come to me and apologize? I don't think so. Right or wrong, I had to accept that it actually it had nothing to do with them. Making it my problem meant it had to do with me. The "pole" shifted to myself, realizing that I created that scenario. I created their frustration. I created my own emotions, I created their anger (whether it be by fear). I created my own feelings of shame. I created the guilt. I wanted to let go of this so I can move back to who I was. In essence, if you learn, you can't move back, only forward. By taking responsibility, I realized that I now owned the problem. At that point, I started to feel remorse and I needed to experience this remorse. Most importantly, I needed to do something: apologize. Not to them, but to me. I repeatedly focused on this remorse, and said to myself, "I'm sorry". I'm sorry for causing this issue in my life. I'm sorry to my mind and body for any impacts it has had. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Step 2: What should you do after you say sorry?
After saying sorry, and in deep thought, in my mind, I asked for forgiveness. I genuinely asked for forgiveness. I repeated it until I felt as if my apology was accepted. When I felt a huge weight lift of my shoulders, I knew I was ready for step 3.
Step 3: Saying thank you
Again in deep thought, I said thank you. I thanked the universe and whatever else I asked forgiveness for in step 2. I felt it right to think about the impact that this stress could have to my health, the impact to my mind, body. I said thank you to my body for all it helps me do (see, move, hear, feel). I repeated this thank you many times.
Step 4: The ultimate acceptance: love
I repeated step 3, this time I said "I love you" to myself, my body, nature, clouds, sun, anything that worked at the time. More importantly, I really meant it. This is the most important step and it can be done first if you feel you need to. It really brings you to a point where you accept who you are, and everything about yourself: strengths, weaknesses, looks, etc... When you have felt this love, you know you have learned. The pain and angst, have gone...
Believe in the power of words
Let's face it, we live through challenges every day. Research says we experience around 400 emotions every day. When you come across the ones that effect you the most, don't underestimate the power of the four step ancient process I mention above. There's lots of information on Ho'oponopono out there. I'm definitely no expert on the topic, yet it continues to take me through many challenges.
Though I was skeptical at first, I tried this technique on another issue I was having at the time: my knee problem. When I went back to the Doctor two weeks later, I was suppose to have surgery to remove a bursar in my knee. I'll never forget the Doctor's reaction when he spent 20 minutes with the ultrasound looking for something that no longer existed. It was gone.
By the way, Ho'oponopono means making things right.
Have an amazing weekend! Let me know if you've ever tried this before :).
Love your life, live your values